I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
