he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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