Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize