what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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