it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize