If i come over, it means nothing
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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