I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
