he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
