I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize