Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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