so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
