he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
