just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So squirting runs in the family.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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