I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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