I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
