Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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