Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
