you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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