I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I've blown a few things in my day
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
