I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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