I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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