if i can run in heels then i can drive
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
