I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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