just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
