Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
