OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
