see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
