Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the condom got lost in my hair
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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