Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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