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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I THINK I SHARTED

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth

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• (310): View more from California

  I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you

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• (207): View more from Maine

  My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Drinking wine while working. Yay.

  (207): View more from Maine

  Just had sex at the YMCA.

  (917): View more from New York City

  We are so productive today.

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