I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
