What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
