We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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