Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
