Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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