I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I touched a dick in church today
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