my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
