I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
