I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
