I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
