Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Your penis caused this!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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