In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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