Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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