So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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