i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
