She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am one with the molecules
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
