I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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