Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
