My liver just broke up with me...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
