We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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