this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Boobs are out for the taking
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
