Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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