Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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