hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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