its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
