so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
