my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
