Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
