party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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