just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize