You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
