My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize