We named our party play list daddy issues
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
