I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
