They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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