I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
