I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
