He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm both gender and math confused
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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