apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
only you would photoshop your dick
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
