wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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