you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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