I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i think i have herpe
just one?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
be right there i have to get my cape
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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