I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
